upset and unsure exactly why

I just feel like crying. all day today all day yesterday..and the day before. and well i dont remember the days before that or i would tell you about them to. IM just upset. alot of upset. everytime my boyfriend talks to me i feel like im snapping at him. at the exact moment i do it i dont seem to mind it, it almost feels like he deserves it, but then the exact second afterward i feel bad for it. everything seems to be upsetting me. and I keep having flashbacks of the night i lost the baby. i keep thinking about what a certain person said to me. shes too young to understand what she said was so hurtful, but it hurt....alot...and still does. I dont like that all of a sudden its like everyone has soemthing every single day to say about babies. someone having a baby, being pregnant, or just had a baby. its baby this baby that. EVERY DAMN DAY. i love kids. i really do. but its like the people around me are rubbing it in my face that they got pregnant and they got to keep it. now they have a baby. something I couldnt do. something I cant have. i know they dont do it on purpose i just wish i could understand why it hurts so bad and why i cant make it stop. just make it go away. it hurts. it hurts more then anything I have ever felt my entire life. and i cant stop it. i dont understand it. i dont understand why it wont just go away. its been since april 16, and everyday i still think about it. i still count down the days until im supposed to give birth in november. november 26.
but why? everyone else seems to have forgotten. like its nothing. i told my mom i was still upset about it and you know what she said?? that some lady i dont even know brought by pictures of the baby today. i dont even fucking know who the lady is, or who the hell the baby is. but dont you think thats a little out of place?? for your daughter trying to talk to you about the pain she is going through because she lost her child, and you pipe up about someone else's success at having a child.
why would she say that? its like the people around me dont give a shit if it hurts for me to think about it. its like they seem to think if they pretend it didnt happen itll just go away
like theres no ettiquet to be had here. when i wifes husband dies you dont go on and on about how your husband is still alive in front of her!!....or do you. i honestly wouldnt know.
i do know know however that i never thought it would hurt so much to lose something you never technically had. and i never thought i could feel so sad. so alone. or so hurt.